Sun's out, Guns out

I thought I would give the readers the same show I gave my neighbors today.  Go ahead, post your comments, I dare ya.

Hey calf guy...

Do any of my Virtual Friends recognize these smokin' calves?  

Calf guy runs some sort of bike sale operation out of this 2-car garage.  

Hey calf-guy, remember the injury that I sustained in this garage today?  We'll just call it the "CRUSHING INJURY OF '08".  Well, I'm probably gonna sue.  I'm gonna own half of this garage soon.  This baby is not gonna feed itself calf-guy.  

For Sale

For Sale

Vintage (circa 1965) Bridgestone Lipstick pink cruiser with lady bug bell.  

$200

All proceeds go to the Incredible Hulk's dental plan

$8

I woke up this morning with exactly $8 in my pocket.  With that I got:

a coffee & bagel(Billy Rae bought)

a brown belt

a blue bike

It's been a great day so far.  

Do these tires look flat?

Look how much fun Billy Rae is having on my new steed.

PP turns 29 again

PP Pettersen and a PBR.  Happy f'n birthday PP.  

six pack and a pony keg

Hot Tomato Jersey Girl was in town last night.  We stayed up real late and did each other's hair and told scarey stories.  And before we knew it, it was 10:00. 

"I'm so innocent and cute."

Now that BFF and I have put in new windows, a radon mitigation system and repaired our sewer line, we're saving up money for orthodonture. Here's our little Hulk suckin' away on her thumb.
She acts like she's all innocent and sweet in this picture, but twice now she's snuck out of the uterus and made balloon animals out of my intestines. She thinks it's real funny.

why baby, why?

I was in Phoenix last week at a convention, and this was the only picture I took.  Here I am showing off my sweet, sweet, nectar that I've been making the past several months (5 and 3/4 to be exact).  That's "the frame" on my left after our epic hike.  

Why does the baby need leg fat?  Can anyone answer me that?  I sorda get the extra side abs, and the African woman boobs, but lunch lady arms and leg fat are a real mystery.  I'm gonna ask baby when it comes out.  

sorry I burped on your head

BFF and I had our first birthing class.  This class was taught by REAL moms.  The class seemed to get better as the moms consumed more beer.  We learned sooooo much.  

Basically, if I had to birth this baby tomorrow I could give myself my own epidural, push it out, then BFF could cut the cord and Hulk would be latching on to my boob first shot, next thing we know, baby's off to med school.  

(Sorry I burped on your head Kathleen.)

This pic shows BFF learnin' the straight girls something.  

baby on a bike

Apparently this is what women do when they're preggo.  One hand on the belly.  Thanks for the tip Fisk.  

What up?

Left to right:  Kurt Cippollini, birfday girl, J-Dawg and Court-en-ay.

It's him again...

Another Kurt Cippollini siting outside Forever 21.

Blood bath

"Have you found this razor to be particularily dull?"  asks BFF before she steps into the shower.

"Not really, just press harder like you do with the remote when it runs low on batteries."  My regretful response.

A couple of things...

First things first...

I am off the hinges excited for the Sex In the City movie.  I've already planned on sneaking popcorn and a beverage into the theatre.  

On another note...we've had our share of visitors at our house lately.  (Landscapers, window guys, miscellaneous contractors)  Today we had a Radon Mitigation system put into our house.  Virtual readers, save your theories on "Radon is a government conspiracy" for someone who hasn't just spent $1000.  Anywho, I'll just get to the point.  I think our radon mitigation guy may have sexually abused our cat BOB.  He's acting real funny.  He was hiding under the bed, and had thrown up several times.  Then I went to pet him, and he cowered like a puss.  If there are any shrinks out there who would like to donate their time counseling him, please leave your number in the comment section down below.  And I do mean "donate" cuz we're out of money now.  

Habba Na Birthday!

Look who had a birthday!!!  My princess.

Princess

BFF's birthday cake.  K-Man picked the theme for her birthday this year.  That kid is so right on the money.  When I look at BFF, I think, "princess".  

BTW, Zia means Aunt in Italian.  

Thanks ladies

From the left: Robin, BFF, the Commander and me.  The team really pulled together for my sake.  Everyone made a conscious effort NOT to order anything with garlic in it.  Garlic is the anti-christ.   

Blah Blah Blah Blah

Me walking into a room full of guys today.

Guy #1: "You have a bunch of shit on your face Kendra."

Me:  Horrified and wiping my face.

Guy #1:  "Come closer.  Oh, it must have been a shadow."

Me:  A quick trip to the mirror to confirm my fears.  

Me walking back into the same room rull of guys.

Guy #2:  "Seriously Kendra, you do have a bunch of shit on your face."

Me:  "It's actually hyperpigmentation caused by pregnancy and exposure to the sun."

What Guys #1 and #2 actually hear: "Blah blah blah blah blah blah."

What Guys #1 and #2 are actually thinking:  "Her tits are really getting bigger." 

milky thighs

Virtual Friends,

I've been a little camera shy lately.  The cut of my jibb has changed significantly in the past 2 weeks.  If any of you have seen LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, I look a lot like Olive right now.  All of my shirts are riding up my gut, my shorts are showing off my milky upper thighs, and the cowboy boots are tight around my cankles.

It seems that the Incredible Hulk is trying to get a better view of the world by pushing my belly out.  This gestational superhero is growing like a weed.  I'll try and get some pics posted.  Not of me, but of people's faces when they see me.  Those images, unfortunately, have been burned into my brain forever.  It looks like my shrink has her work cut out for her this week.  And to think, she was ready to break up with me at our last visit.  I hope she learns a valuable lesson after I show her how much disfunction I can muster up in a week.