Are you serious lady?

Dear Readers,

Weird sh*t happens when you're pregnant.  

Let me start by saying that a mere 5 months ago, my period took me by surprise EVERY MONTH. I simply could not understand why on earth I've been rocking in the corner eating chocolate, crying uncontrollably for 3 days.  And then, suddenly it all makes sense.  

And now, I'm supposed to know the best cremes to buy for stretch marks, or even know where to apply that creme.  Speaking of, does anyone know a home remedy for itchy, itchy nipples? 

I think I've been getting some bad advice.  Someone advised me to just rough 'em up.  She mentioned a wash cloth and a loofah.  Do you hear yourself lady?  Oh, good idea, I'll show my nipples who's boss.  Why don't I just use that pumice stone that I got as a gift last Christmas that I've used on the bottoms of my feet?  Or wait, I know BFF and I were going to power wash the deck this spring...

Oh yeah, I read somewhere that having a baby in your belly can make you a little crazy.  I'm all, yeah right.